


Your smile, my ghost (I fell to my knees)

by natxsteve



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Humor, Brief mention of Clint Barton - Freeform, Civil War (Marvel), F/M, First ever fic, Just bc I couldn't settle with AOU, Post-Avengers (2012), Pre-Civil War (Marvel), Romance, brief mention of bruce banner - Freeform, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 22:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4454756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natxsteve/pseuds/natxsteve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wanda pressed her lips together, trying to figure out if she's already in the right timing to speak up. She was obviously done with both of her team leaders' stubbornness, it was time to put an action and for once, do something about it. It's clear that no one wanted to make the first move, so being the most willing person she was, she finally let these words free. "The man loves you, Natasha."</p>
<p>Natasha sighed and shrugged her thoughts away, straightening her posture. "And you got that from your vision?" She asked. </p>
<p>No - for God's sake, with or without vision, I can easily tell ... actually everyone in the team does." </p>
<p>She's been constantly reminded by her fellow teammates how 'this man, loves her' - twice. And then there came a time when Steve Rogers, the man himself - finally said it. Pre- Civil War</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your smile, my ghost (I fell to my knees)

**Author's Note:**

> I really couldn't settle with this thing I saw in AOU and the Two lies and a truth of Hayley Atwell from Comic con that have been bugging me for weeks - which lead me to write my first ever fic. Inspired by This Love by Taylor Swift (I suggest you guys to listen to it while reading it) :-) Enjoy.

_"It's so hard to pretend to be friends with someone special, when everytime you look at that person, all you see is everything you want to have."_

* * *

 

The days were tolerable, it wasn't exactly a smooth and easy ride. They were supposed to work as a team, learn, survive, be able to manage controlling each one's powers and most importantly, saving the citizens from any harm known there is. It was a difficult and painful process knowing that it's only the two of them now left to handle a new set of team. But, everything required time, effort and helping one another to become better. Sooner than ever, days became weeks, then turned to months. And now the tables has turned, everything is now completely running smoothly. And for the first time, they were given the chance to let out all the stress, anxiety and pain they carry within ever since the first day they started training. Training together and working as a team is nothing but fulfilling and stress-relieving, they've finally got the right elements to blend well together and be the best they could ever be. All thanks to Steve and Natasha of course, who never left their side and gave no hesitations in pouring out their greatest efforts to help them side by side. 

Wanda Maximoff never thought that they could go this far. The first few days were rough and she immediately dismissed the fact that they can never learn and have the right ways to work together the same way the Avengers used to. It was uneasy, the fact that she was the only woman in the team, she thought she can never succeed the same way her team members have. Everything seemed so easy for Sam, Rhodey and let alone Vision. She lost count of the times she fought the urge to tap out and simply give up. 

If there one thing that was keeping her steady and refraining herself from backing out, was by simply sharing a glance of Natasha Romanoff. Natasha who she knew went through so much worse than her. She was the only woman in the team, but that never gave her an excuse to give up the same way she almost does every single day. She was an epitome of what a woman of this generation should be. And she's lucky to have witnessed a strong woman, who never shy away from taking a stand to lead her alongside with Steve. She was really grateful to have Natasha by her side, guiding her ever step of the way, teaching her the right things, most importantly making her feel human again... well she never felt that way since Pietro died.

* * *

 On the course of several months, she now sees Natasha as nothing but a sister. Well... - she's unsure of how Steve sees Natasha, but she was a hundred percent sure it was more than just a sister/teammate kind of thing. The past few weeks, it seemed like it was not only Wanda who was attracted to Natasha. She could tell Steve does too, only in a different much deeper way. 

She never have gotten the chance to know what was really going on between them, maybe Sam could even with his eyes closed. The relationship of Captain America and Black Widow have been nothing but complicated, and neither never really bothered to bring it up ever since. She could tell by the way his eyes gaze through her emerald ones, even by the way he moves when she's around her too.  It was all so telling, that each time when the two are around, she had to reprimand herself from asking both Steve and Natasha. 

It felt odd to have this sense of curiosity about their relationship. But by simply watching them from afar every single time they train, she couldn't help but feel as if she was in the right position to question the complexity of their dynamic. And for the past few months, she also finally concluded that Steve and Natasha - deserved each other. 

"What's on your mind?" Natasha's voice coming from behind, she can feel her steps coming closer and closer to her. And within a fraction of a second, she felt their shoulders brushed as she quietly takes a seat beside her, a water bottle on one hand. Wanda tensed, trying to clear her thoughts and coming up with a way to say something else other than what was going on through her head a few seconds ago.

It was a hot Monday afternoon, and by Monday meant for training the new Avengers but Steve decided to call it off for the whole week since they haven't been getting the right amount of rest lately for the past few weeks. Wanda, being the irresponsible woman she was, forgot the memo and now found herself sitting alone on a bench in the training facility, wondering where everybody was. And by that, she finally found an excuse and decided to use it against the woman sitting beside her. 

Wanda laughed, her eyes closed with embarrassment. "That I totally forgot we don't have training today." 

Natasha smirked, taking a sip from her water bottle. "Figured you would so I decided to drop by to check you out. Turns out my assumptions are correct - you did forget." 

"Sorry." Wanda said sheepishly, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. A gesture she fondly got from Steve. 

"That's okay, Wanda. Go get some rest." Natasha placed a hand on her shoulder in assurance. 

"What about you?" Wanda asked. 

"I'm meeting up with Ste- I mean, Cap in a few." She waved her hand dismissively. A smile crept on Wanda's face (relieved to find out her thoughts came on the right timing). Natasha defensively crossed her arms in her chest. "What?"

"So you and Captain -" 

Natasha cuts her off before she can even finish. She rolled her eyes, "We're friends, JUST friends." She emphasized the word before Wanda can even assume. 

"Oh, I have heard that plenty of times. You're not fooling any of us." She remarked, eyebrows raised.

"I don't know where you're getting, kiddo." Natasha stated, dumb-founded.

Wanda pressed her lips together, trying to figure out if she's already in the right timing to speak up. She was obviously done with both of her team leaders' stubborness, it was time to put an action and for once, do something about it. It's clear that no one wanted to make the first move, so being the most willing person she was, she finally let these words free. "The man loves you, Natasha."

A lump formed in her throat and for some reason, she found it hard to breathe for the remaining seconds that passed by. With or without Wanda telling that to her, just by hearing that four letter word combined with the name of Steve was something that she still found uncomfortable with. This wasn't the first time someone openly said that to her. As a matter of fact, the first one who told that to her was Sam Wilson. 

* * *

_ "You got to eat, Natasha." Sam spoke, folding his legs as he takes a seat beside her. Natasha sighed and leaned her head back on the wall. Sam followed suit and turned his head to her direction, "I know these past few days has been hard on you -" _

_"I'm fine, Sam." Natasha pressed her lips together, eyes still fixated on the wall opposite to them. For some reason, she found it amusing to simply stare at it as if she's waiting for something - or for someone to magically appear out of it. "Don't even go there, Romanoff." She said to herself._

_"You're a terrible liar, you know that?"_

_Natasha managed a laugh, "I'm used to saying that to someone, and not the other way around."_

_They sat in complete silence and both lost track of time. Sam cleared his throat, taking one last look of Natasha - her hair was disheveled, there were dark circles forming in her eyes but even from those features, she was still as beautiful as ever. He placed a hand on her shoulder with wary, testing the waters, still not forgetting the fact that despite such a beautiful face, she can easily break your fingers without breaking any sweat. When she didn't flinch or pull back from his touch, he finally let out an exhale and smiled. "I know I'm not in the right position to say this, most importantly I wasn't there when it happened..." He trailed off, her shoulders tensed, having the clear idea of what he was referring to. "But, don't throw your life away - I- I'm not saying because he's not worth it - what I was trying to say is that... you still got a wonderful life ahead of you, I know you don't see it - but the people around you do... don't put this all to waste just because you think you are... what you think you are, and that you don't deserve to have all of this."_

_He slowly lifted her chin, a reassuring smile forming in his lips. "Because I think, you're an amazing person. You're doing a pretty good job at it, honestly. And if by now you still think you don't, well we're all just going to keep on coming back to prove it to you."_

_She felt so overwhelmed by the mere thought that someone like Sam could openly say that to her. For once, she finally opened her eyes with tears streaming down her face. She wiped them slowly, running a hand on her hair. "I'm way amazed how you can make me feel better that quickly, Sam." She joked._

_Sam grinned and stood up, lending a hand to Natasha and pulled her up as well. "Oh, that's not just me." He shrugged._

_Natasha tilted her head in curiosity. "What do you mean?"_

_"I'm surprised that Steve said a few of those words to me and not directly to you."_

_Her chest tightened just by hearing his name. It's been days since she last saw him. Just the thought of Steve actually saying these words left her stunned._

_"Steve and I are getting lunch in a bit... I expect you'll be there to join us." Before she could thank Sam, the man was now making his way out of the room._

_"The man loves you, Natasha." He heard him right after he got out of her sight_

* * *

Love. There we go again with this word. It's not as if she have anything against it, honestly but hearing this word and combining it with THE Captain America and most importantly, Steve? She doesn't know, she feel confused? Distraught? Her thoughts are way too clouded. She's not that stupid enough to admit that she didn't feel anything the past few years she spent working with Steve, but love? Did it really went that far for him? 

Steve never gave any implications to what they were or what he wants. Even if there were times when he's beside her, training with her or simply talking to her - she couldn't deny the fact that there were moments when she fought the urge to kiss him. She wanted to know what it feels like to be alive again, because apparently she feels nothing but dead in her heart. To be loved by a guy like Steve Rogers is a blessing in disguise. Although she couldn't find the right words, or even the right ways to react to that. It all seemed impossible. 

How can a man as perfect as a porcelain with a heart of a lion can fell in love to a woman like her? Plus, the fact that she never heard these exact words from Steve? It all look as though it's senseless to come to these conclusions.

Natasha sighed and shrugged her thoughts away, straightening her posture. "And you got that from your vision?" She asked. 

"No - for God's sake, with or without vision, I can easily tell ... actually everyone in the team does." 

Natasha stifled a laugh, she leaned her head back trying to shrug off the tight feeling on her chest. She never meant to react this way, but when you're stuck in situations like this - it's best to do so. "Steve is dating someone else." 

"And you know that because -" 

"Because I was the one who sets him up around women." She replied.

"What makes you think, he's doing what you tell him to do?"

"Because, I would have shot him on the gut if he didn't." Harsh. That's the last thing she could think of at the moment since her head's been clouded with thoughts all over again. With or without Wanda's hex, she couldn't deny the feeling of being intimidated by her. 

"Yeah right, you wouldn't because then again - you love him too." Before she could even protest, a familiar voice echoed throughout the training facility. 

* * *

"Who loves who?" They turned around and saw Steve leaning on a back of the wall with a skeptical look plastered on his face. His hands buried deep inside his pocket and ocean blue eyes gleaming bright as ever even from afar. 

Wanda's eyes widened, mouthing the word 'Sorry' to Natasha. She placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a wink. Natasha couldn't quite interpret what her actions were trying to say to her but nodded, still with a look of confusion. Wanda stood up from her seat and took a few steps going to Steve. 

"Captain." She chirped with a smile tugging on the corner of her mouth.

"Wanda." Steve greeted, nodding his head. 

"I'll leave you two." Wanda excused herself, doing a one eighty to wave one last goodbye to Natasha. 

When Wanda was completely out of sight, Steve cleared his throat, his head pondering if it's the right time to talk to the redhead a few steps away from him. Burying his hands deeper to his pockets even more, he finally made the decision and walked straight towards her. 

As he was making his way to her, Natasha couldn't help but admire every feature that she can see from her sight. He was wearing a crisp white shirt with a matching pair of black pants, there was a look of uncertainty written all over his face and she doesn't know why, so she waited for him so she can ask him why. 

When their shoulders finally touched, she felt her body tensed but sooner relaxed the minute she locked eyes with him. 

"Hey." Steve smiled awkwardly, Natasha fought the urge to laugh. 

Natasha nodded in response and turned both of her legs to the side and now they were face to face. "How long have you been standing there. My ninja senses didn't tingle at all." She mused. 

Steve laughed, "Just came a few seconds ago. Don't worry, your ninja senses are still in tact." 

"That's good to know." She smiled. Steve's face softened, it's been a long time since he has actually seen her smile, mostly he could see her smirking from  time to time, but nothing could compare to this. It was way much better, knowing that the few months have been vastly approaching and she was finally back to the Natasha she met at the helicarrier three years ago. As if the incident with Dr. Banner has been long gone and forgotten. She was back to the quirky woman he knew and well.. loved, of course. 

"So... you didn't hear much then?"

"Not much... just on the part when Wanda said you happen to love... someone?" He guessed trying to mask the hurtful expression on his face. He wasn't sure of the exact words he heard earlier, he didn't want to assume anything else than that. 

"You tell me." Natasha searched his eyes, she crossed her legs and had her elbow propped on her thigh.

"I beg your pardon?" Steve's eyebrows furrowed. 

"Do you... happen to love someone, Steve?" Natasha changed topic and decided to direct it mainly on him. She asked, still managing a stoic look on her face, rocking her crossed legs on the bench slowly. It was very unlikely of her to ask that question. Steve's cheeks flushed, he couldn't contradict to what she said. He doubts if he can ever will, the very one thing he was sure of was something that he still can't have the guts to admit to the woman in front of him. _Yes, yes I am - to you._ "No." Steve shrugs acting as if it was a silly question. 

"So you didn't take my advice of going after the nurse?"

"She's not a nurse." He replied.

"And you're not a SHIELD --"

Steve cuts her off, "Are we seriously going to this all over again?" He sighed.

"I don't know, you tell me Rogers." She finally straightened her posture and was now crossing her arms defensively on her chest.

He exhaled deeply in frustration but still remained relatively calm. "I didn't go after Sharon. Not because I didn't have the time, or because I was too shy or scared as you like to put it... in fact, I did take her out, we had coffee - but there was nothing more that came after that." He acknowledged. "The truth is, I see her nothing but a friend. That's all there is." 

Natasha stared at him in awe. It felt funny to have the sense of relief the minute he said those words, for some reason hearing him say them finally allowed her to breathe. Maybe Wanda was right, because otherwise she wouldn't have this certain type of feeling flowing through her system if she doesn't... love him.

"Now, is it my turn to ask a question now?" Steve asked, a smirk forming in his mouth. _Did Captain America just blushed?_

She rolled her eyes and as soon as she was about to say something else, Steve interrupted her. "What were you and Wanda talking about earlier?" 

Natasha's eyes widened, an eyebrow raised. "Is Captain America a gossiper?' She cracked. 

"I'm serious, Romanoff." 

"I'd rather not discuss it." Natasha shook her head.

"That's unfair, don't you think?" 

"Well what do you want me to say? I'm sure you know by now -"

"That you love me?" 

Natasha rolled her eyes, "Yeah -" She trailed off, the words sinking to her and finally realized what she said. "You little shit, you said you didn't heard much!" She protested, her cheeks were gushing red and Steve couldn't help but laugh. 

"Language." He warned, his head leaning back as he guffawed. Being the unaware person he was, the next thing he knew was his back was now on the floor for she has pushed him off the bench. "Hey, that was meant to be just a joke, I was not lying on the part when I said I didn't heard much." He stated. 

Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, embarrassed. Natasha Romanoff have never been embarrassed ever before, and look where she was right now. Stuck in a very uncomfortable position just because her unexplained feelings got in the way. She wasn't even aware these words were spilling from her mouth, there was nothing much to do - she fell to his trap and she can't take it all back. Might as well face it. 

She reached out a hand and pulled him up. Being the heavier person Steve was, his whole body accidentally leaned forward, Natasha just in time placed her hands on both of his shoulders to support him. Their faces were now inches away from each other as his expression turned amused to serious. His gaze was familiar, he has the same expression the minute after she gave a chaste kiss on his cheek on that cemetery. The only difference now is that this time, she's not running away and he's not going to leave - his ocean eyes were locked in her emerald ones. And his hands - his soft yet unsteady hands were tracing her arms until it finally reached both of her hands and held it tightly, as if he has no plans of letting go.

"Who do you want me to be?" Steve asked with a voice barely forming like a whisper. 

Natasha chuckled with her eyes closed, relieving the memories she fondly shared with him a year ago. When she thought he was only making a reference to their past conversation, she jokingly replied - "How about a friend?" 

Silence filled the room as a warm smile formed in his mouth, overwhelming her whole heart. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward as their foreheads were gently pressed together. She whimpered from the abrupt movement but decided to have her eyes closed as well, and she liked it - every bit of it. 

"How about... something more?" His voice was faint, but there was so much certainty in his tone as he said it. 

* * *

 "Steve - " 

His other hand let go of hers and placed it on her chin, caressing it slowly. "I owe you an apology." 

Before he could let her answer back, he began to speak again. "I'm sorry if it was too late for me to realize how much you meant to me. You know, I thought I was going to be okay - I thought I was brave enough to fully admit that I feel absolutely nothing when we're together. That it had to come to the point that Bruce came to your life for me to realize I want to have what should have been mine... and that's you. If only I spoke sooner, I would have had you." His eyes were watery now and so was hers, her chest was heaving - slowly taking deep breaths because she somehow couldn't keep up with the pace of her emotions. She was slowly tearing her walls apart, giving way for this man in front off her. She have never felt this way before, there was something about his words that leave an effect on her. He was everything. 

"Feelings may not be mutual... and that's okay." His trailed off, his throat tightening as if he wanted to take his line back, because of course - he wanted, and prayed so damn hard that she feels the same way too. "I - I just want to let these words out, at least you know that I've tried. And I've tried hard because as cheesy as it may sound - I'm in love with you, Nat. I really do."

Her eyes finally opened to let her tears stream down her face, biting her bottom lip reprimanding herself from kissing him right then and there. Why did it had to go this far? With every word, she found herself falling to his trap more and more. She couldn't rebuff now, not when too much has said - and tears have fallen. He should know she felt the same way too. 

She tried to keep her composure and flippantly spoke. "Did you just say 'cheesy'?" 

He grinned, his fingertips wiping her tears steadily. "Heard Sam mentioning it plenty of tim --"

This time, it was her turn to cut him off. Her hands cupped his face, until their lips finally met. The kiss was chaste and hesitant at first, but as soon as his brain fully registered what just happened, he couldn't be more happy enough to claim her lips once again. 

He didn't had practice like what he said before, he doesn't need it at all. When you're with the woman you love, you know how it's done. He wrapped his arm around her waist and the other on the small of her back, deepening the kiss. Her lips were as perfect as it was before, only this time - he finally had the chance to know what it completely tasted like. She tasted like strawberries and he found it so damn addictive. When the thought of oxygen finally came to their senses, they pulled back and Natasha couldn't help but smile - looking at his flushed face. 

She playfully ran a hand on his brown locks, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Love is for children - fuck it, I love you too." 

"Language." 

She rolled her eyes, pulling him again for another kiss.

* * *

"You owe me ten bucks." Wanda grinned, doing a fist bump with Sam who's eyes were still focused on the two of her friends on the other end of the room. 

"Yeah - yeah, did you get the whole thing?" He asked. 

"Right to the part when she finally admitted it." Eyes gleaming brightly as she tinkered on her phone. 

"Send it to Clint, asap."

 

 


End file.
